It’s been a little over a year since I graduated college. After spending seven years in four different institutions of higher learning, you could say that I am a college expert. After spending one year in the “real world”, you could say that I never want to be a real world expert. This place SUCKS. For those of you who are in the same boat as myself, this is old news. College did nothing to prepare me for this, but would I have really wanted it to? Hell no. I loved having no responsibilities, and wouldn’t have done it any other way. That being said, I would like to justify my feeling of college superiority by making a list, which you will now read, you beautiful person, you. That’s right, I’m talking to you.
- Real World – Pay bills and rent myself on time by writing a check. If I only do something once a month, how am I supposed to remember that? Also, why do we still have checks? Are you kidding me, banks? I take a piece of paper with clouds, unicorns, dolphins or whatever printed on it, write any amount I choose, and that is legal tender!?
- College – Bills are only something you hear about from your parents, or on a romantic comedy, or following the word Buffalo.
- Real World – Social gatherings now center around family gatherings, co-worker happy hours, and old friends from high school. You thought you were moving forward in time? Guess again, sucker.
- College – Places to make friends: Frats, clubs, sports, classes, study groups, gym, cafeteria, in the hallway, bathrooms, on the bus, dorms, ANYWHERE.
- Real World – Dates. Relationships. Commitment. Longevity. Prison. No more casual and comfortable, “I’ll see you at the party later,’ or ‘lets meet in the quad after class and lay in the grass while we pretend to study”. There is no party later. There is no quad. There isn’t even any grass. Now its get her phone number and harass her until she goes out with you or you may never see her again. Ask her on a “date”, buy her dinner/drinks, whatever it’s gonna take, then maybe if you’re lucky you’ll establish some kind of connection or even, *gasp, get laid.
- College – If you meet in the gym it would go like this: Working out – Partying out – Making out – Hanging out – Sex. Repeat until you get tired of each other/meet someone else.