October 11, 2011 · 12:08 pm

How to Be Charismatic – 3 Easy Steps

Is there a personality trait more desirable than Charisma?  Intelligence – overrated and impractical.  Kindness – Nice guys finish last?  Anyone?  Respectful – Yeah, whatever, who does that guy think he is? Anyway…Charisma is useful in any situation, and will never go out of style.  If you lack charisma, chances are you have trouble getting a job, getting laid, or getting people to listen to you when you talk.

Famous people with enough charisma to knock out a buffalo: Barack Obama, Natalie Portman, Tim Tebow (you can’t deny his Jesus power), Tom Cruise, Seth McFarland, Kate Walsh, Bob Costas, Marilyn Monroe, and Lil Wayne.  Any of these people seem like someone you might want to be like or be with?  Yeah, me too.

What’s that?  You don’t think you can do it?  But you haven’t even started!  Let’s take a look at charisma step-by-step, and see what it takes to own a room, or at least your general vicinity.  It’s not as hard as it sounds, trust me, you can do it.  I know because I used to be shy, boring, frail, neurotic, awkward, and have low self-esteem.  Now I’m only half of those things, plus some other ones that I’m not really sure what to do with!  All it took was adding a little charisma.  Bang!  Pow!

Step 1 – Talk louder than everyone else.

There is no better way to build charisma, or fake it, then simply talking louder than everyone else around you.  This lets everyone know that what you have to say is way more important than anything they have to say.  After a while you will see that people around you will wait for you to talk first.  This is a nod to your newly discovered alpha personality.  What up boss!?

Step 2 – Move your arms around a ton.

Now that you are talking very loud, it is important to also flail your arms in the air like you are directing an airplane.  Don’t worry if you hit people, they need to recognize your charisma!  Eventually people will stand farther away from you, now that you are being very loud, but don’t worry about that, you wlil require more space now that you are so full of charisma.

Boom! Charisma in your face!

Step 3 – Laugh at everyone.

Ever notice how charismatic people are often smiling or laughing?  They are putting out good vibes, which brings people to them.  Be sure to laugh at everyone, and smile at strangers.  This will surely make you charismatic.  People may look at you funny in the bar, but don’t worry, that big dude is definitely not walking over to beat your ass.

Charisma acquisition complete. Reap the rewards!

Congratulations, you are on the road to being more charismatic!  Provided you still have friends and all your teeth, after following these steps you will be the most charismatic mofo around.  Now get out there and start swinging those arms!

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October 7, 2011 · 2:43 pm

College vs. The Real World

It’s been a little over a year since I graduated college.  After spending seven years in four different institutions of higher learning, you could say that I am a college expert.  After spending one year in the “real world”, you could say that I never want to be a real world expert.  This place SUCKS.  For those of you who are in the same boat as myself, this is old news.  College did nothing to prepare me for this, but would I have really wanted it to?  Hell no.  I loved having no responsibilities, and wouldn’t have done it any other way.  That being said, I would like to justify my feeling of college superiority by making a list, which you will now read, you beautiful person, you.  That’s right, I’m talking to you.

I. Responsibilities:

  • Real World – Pay bills and rent myself on time by writing a check.  If I only do something once a month, how am I supposed to remember that?  Also, why do we still have checks?  Are you kidding me, banks?  I take a piece of paper with clouds, unicorns, dolphins or whatever printed on it, write any amount I choose, and that is legal tender!?
  • College – Bills are only something you hear about from your parents, or on a romantic comedy, or following the word Buffalo.
2. Socializing:
  • Real World – Social gatherings now center around family gatherings, co-worker happy hours, and old friends from high school.  You thought you were moving forward in time?  Guess again, sucker.
  • College – Places to make friends: Frats, clubs, sports, classes, study groups, gym, cafeteria, in the hallway, bathrooms, on the bus, dorms, ANYWHERE.
3. Gettin’ laid, or getting mates, bonding, relationships, whatever:
  • Real World – Dates.  Relationships.  Commitment.  Longevity.  Prison.  No more casual and comfortable, “I’ll see you at the party later,’ or ‘lets meet in the quad after class and lay in the grass while we pretend to study”.  There is no party later.  There is no quad.  There isn’t even any grass.  Now its get her phone number and harass her until she goes out with you or you may never see her again.  Ask her on a “date”, buy her dinner/drinks, whatever it’s gonna take, then maybe if you’re lucky you’ll establish some kind of connection or even, *gasp, get laid.
  • College – If you meet in the gym it would go like this:  Working out – Partying out – Making out – Hanging out – Sex.  Repeat until you get tired of each other/meet someone else.

College

Real World

These are just three ways that the Real World SUCKS and College is amazing.  I’m sure there are numerous others.  Feel free to share them if you like.

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