A party is always a party, right? Or, can a party be a party, without actually being a party? Are you asking yourself, “What the hell is he talking about?” If you are asking any of these questions, then you and I are on the same page. What I am trying to say is that the idea of party is not the same for everyone, especially as we grow older. According to the Unknowledge Tree, our life of partying is divided into five stages. Allow me to elaborate.
Early Years: 0-10
The first party you ever experience is your birthday party, and this will be the only party you have for the next ten years or so. Birthday parties dictate social structure throughout these years. Depending on who comes to your birthday party, or whose birthday party you got invited to, determines your amount of social clout, and can be used as a weapon against your peers.
Birthday Party Weaponization
Pre-Teen: 11-14
In your middle school years, you begin to develop more distinct identities and social groups. You begin to have more than one or two friends, and occasionally all gather at one person’s house, in what is called “hanging out”. These hang-outs, usually consisting of 3-5 friends, are the first get-togethers of more than one friend outside of birthday parties. They can even be co-ed at times, which can bring the total number of partiers to 7-10. They are the beginning of what will become the infamous ‘High School House Party’.
Scarred for Life
Teenagers: 15-17
Now you have come to your teenage years, such wondrous and confusing times. With high school comes the introduction of alcohol, for most, along with the aforementioned and much anticipated ‘House Party’. Those little innocent gatherings from before morph into descending on a house of whoever’s parents are out of town in a flurry of teen angst, alcohol, and co-ed debauchery. The hang-outs from before do continue, but they just aren’t considered parties anymore.
Problem Solving
Young Adults: 18-varies
After high school comes the Young Adult phase, which is characterized by many things: higher education, travelling, a career, or living off your parents. Parties in this age group take on many different forms. The house party is continued; however, there is a spin off: the Frat Party. The Frat Party introduces a whole new level of alcohol consumption and debauchery never before seen by mankind. Below is an example.
Rape Victim
The Couples Party consists of, as the name would suggest, young couples doing things that would normally seem fun, but because everyone is more concerned with their significant other than anything else going on, any single person observing this scene would more or less be dumbfounded how anyone is having a good time. No single person could ever enjoy a Couples Party.
Why oh why am I here?
Now that you are 18, and then 21, you can attend parties at clubs and bars. This opens an entirely new, and much more expensive, world of partying. Because of its high price, the Club Party often revolves around special events such as birthdays and bachelor/bachelorette parties. Club Parties can be fun because you feel special, you know, like a rapper or something.
*I was going to make a cartoon for this stage but MS Paint is driving me crazy and I just can’t do it, so you are going to have to wait one more paragraph.
The final party of this stage of life is the Vacation Party. This party consists of a small group of friends going on vacation, something like a cruise ship or resort, and partying constantly for a few days straight. This can also be very expensive, but almost always worth it. Within this category includes one of the most famous of all parties, the Spring Break Party. All I have to say about this party is, “Holy shit.”
No one will survive Spring Break
Adult
The last phase of party life is the Adult phase. The parties in this stage are threefold: Dinner, Club, and Vacation. You may notice the final two are repeats from before, but they are mainly family affairs now. The Dinner Party is similar to the Couples Party, but more formal and typically just as boring. It can be enjoyed by singles if this is your idea of a party; however, I recommend exercising extreme caution.
Dinner parties can be deadly
The Unknowledge Tree 